Global Domination.....

It had to happen at some point.

You can't run successful businesses without the odd thought of taking over the world - well today I had my first trans-Atlantic enquiry.

Though the power of Google, I was found by a lady in New York, USA who wants to give a gift of our gardening services to a close relative.

Initially, I didn't read the email too closely - general fatigue and years of "skim reading" only allow you to see certain parts that interest you - so I had mental visions of a flight to New York to do a site survey, leading to all sorts of ideas of how to get the equipment over there, or invest in a New York office etc.

Then I read it again - the recipient of the gift lives in Newbury, Berks.

I was a little disappointed not to go to NY, but nevertheless I would love to do this for the lady in question.

Anybody in South Africa who wants a bit of gardening - please just email me as I don't need too many excuses to go there!!

I am glad to see that all the money I spend on Google each month gets me found - nice one Google and of course my fantastic website as supplied by Webbuildpro

Wasps - beware!

Today I spent the day at Bicton College near Exeter. Why I hear you ask?

As well as doing the normal garden maintenance, I also get involved in dealing with garden pests. I control everything from Deer, foxes and rabbits to rats, mice, moles and of course insects.

I attended a wasp control refresher course arranged by a supplier of mine lead by the British Pest Control Association.

Wasps are a total pain - sometimes quite literally. Nothing is more annoying than having wasps buzzing around you when sat outside. Some people are also allergic to the stings, including my wife Karen I might add who has a very nasty reaction to them - anaphalactic shock - and requires immediate medical attention.

I have always been fascinated by Wasps as they build incredible nests and fiercely guard their queen. There are 3 types of wasps:

1. English Wasp


2. German Wasp - easily recognised by the towels they carry to reserve prime sites!


3. Hornet

Both the German Wasp and the Hornet are on the increase in the UK.
They are all dealt with in a similar way, but all have differing degrees of aggressiveness towards potential attacker - especially with insecticides. I have dealt with many nests over the years and have suffered quite a few stings - but Hornets still scare me witless.

Only last week, the wife and I were sat watching a film and I heard a scratching noise from the fire place. I got a torch and looked in - only to have a huge Hornet look right back at me. These things have bad attitude and I give no quarter to them - so a handy block of firewood dealt the killer blow.

Another time, we had one fly into the kitchen and literally dive bombed us - I had to hit it with a squash racket in mid flight to sort it - not nice!

Anyway, the good thing is we are at hand to deal with all your wasp and creepy crawlies - we are just a call away!

High winds bring down more trees

The freak weather we suffered over the bank holiday brought a fair few trees down.

We had a call from a desperate customer who had a willow tree taken down across their drive and were asked if we could clear it.

Whilst we are totally stacked out with work, we will always try to fit in emergency jobs where ever possible, so from the customer placing the initial enquiry to actually completing the job was about 5 hours!

Is funny how when you ask the customer what size is the tree, they always say its not very big. When we arrived, this thing was huge. A willow is quite a handful as it has so many branches, but luckily they cut pretty easily and the chipper handles them very well.

Nobody really appreciates just how much wood is in a tree but we had a good 2.5 tonnes of wood and 5 cubic metres of wood chips to deal with - but a happy customer as well.

Unfortunately, I forgot the camera so no piccies this time......note to self - put camera in truck!

For the love of a dog

I get some strange and unusual calls from time to time - last week there was one I have not had before.

I got a call from a really nice couple who had just moved into a beautiful farm cottage near Inkpen. Basically the problem was that they have a small Norfolk type terrier which has never been in the countryside as it has lived in London, which now had a huge garden and wood to run around in - with no fence.

When I went to look at this job, the rain was pouring down and both the customer and I got soaked walking round the site. We agreed that the best thing to do was a rabbit type fence around the back garden.

I must be getting soft because I agreed to work on the Bank Holiday Saturday as the dog could not live there without the fence. Having been without my dogs in the past when moving houses I know how this feels.

As it turned out, the fence was a nightmare to put up and it took all of Saturday plus Sunday morning - again working in the pouring rain, but we got it finished and Yogi now has a brilliant run - the enclosure is approx 180 square metres, and I have a delighted customer.

One really good thing was the bacon sarnies, cake and constant flow of tea - I wish all customers were like this!

The rest of the plans for the weekend were scuppered due to the awful weather - I was due to go salmon and sea trout fishing with my uncle and cousin in Devon, but instead me and the wife lit a big fire as it was so cold, crawled under the blankie and watched films all day - luckily the kids were at "sleepovers" so we had peace and quite all day.

Turf, Turf and more Turf

We have been flat out sorting out a customers "Jungle" over the last few days.

I first saw this job back in December. The customer's family wanted to give their mum a large lawn area where a veg patch once stood. It's been pretty neglected over the years and had grown into the "before" picture you see above.

After a few hours digging out the biggest dandelion and thistles I think I have ever come across, we rotovated and leveled the area in preparation to turf. As with all surfaces, preparation is the key to getting a great lawn and unfortunately this takes time to get it right. I think the results are obvious when its done properly

I have started using a new turf provider who is proving to be most reliable - he actually turns up when I want him rather than waiting around or simply just dumping the turf and running. I am using Rolawn turf as I have tried many different types over the years and Rolawn is about the best you can get - a little pricey in comparison with the "meadow turf" providers, but a whole lot better.

What you get is a uniform turf, fully fertilised and weed free with a rich soil backing, making the new lawn take more quickly and giving it a head start.

My advice to customers is pay a little more and get a better job - you only want to do this job once. It's like painting your windows - a horrid task but you use the best paint not stuff you got cheap down the market!

We also did another turf job as well this week. We cleared this unused area of old shrubs a few weeks ago and the customer decided to rotovate the area himself - not a problem for us. He did a pretty good job, but paid a hefty price for doing it himself - he put his back out and spent hours (and many £'s) getting it fixed at the osteopath ......also it screwed up his golf swing for days too!

Wedding Blog by Neale James

I hadn't realised, but Neale and Sam James of Breathe Pictures , our mates who came with us to South Africa for our wedding and did the wedding photography for us has been writing a blow by blow story of our visit to SA.

When I do get a moment to sit down and have some "me time", I check out all the people I know who are writing blogs, but because its so busy I hadn't been there for a while - what a nice surprise.

I am not sure how Neale finds the time - he has just taken over the breakfast show for Radio station Reading 107FM which is very funny - its just a shame we have such difficulty picking it up in Newbury - well worth a listen to. I am sure they have caller ID on the phone line to the studio as I can never get through - perhaps not a bad thing as I am sure we would get into trouble......I still owe you mate....revenge will come!

Go and look at Neale's Blog - he writes well and has a few sneak pictures - they are still working on our wedding album but I have seen a few pictures and they are superb.

Other blogs to visit are:

Nigel Morgan - Mr PR - always current news and stories

Richard Hayman - Madagascan Gin Palace - has re-started after a while

If you are a regular to my blog, let me know other sites worth a read

New addition to the family

Picture: Ginger the tortoise

Gosh I can hear you say, they have only just got married!

Well let me tell you, two kids are more than enough - our house seems like a hotel with multiple kids drifting in and out at all times of day and night as the new thing is "sleepovers" - an excuse to get out of chores and homework as well as eating everything in the cupboard.

We have however had the patter of tiny feet this week - the arrival of Fred and Ginger.

My wife has always been on about two animals - giraffes and tortoises. Whilst I would love to have a giraffe, she had to make do with tortoises for her birthday as a suprise.

When I was a kid, me and my brother had a tortoise each. These things just walked around the garden and ate everything, then we would stuff them in the airing cupboard over winter and that was that.

What a different story today. I arranged for the little blighters to arrive after our Italian trip, but before then we were sent an extensive owners manual with loads of do's and dont's - frankly it scared me to death (and Karen too!).

I bought them from a really helpful company The Tortoise Shop who talked me through the original purchase and have provided phone "support" already to a panicking new mother!

I decided to get two tortoises as I am a great believer in not having a single animal as I am sure they loose their will to survive and have a better quality of life etc.

When they arrived, Karen and her mate Donna of WhyNot Jewellery were worse than two kids - I have never seen anything like it. I was left to build the enclosure and get the lights etc set up while they sat and "warmed them up" - the poor things were sent by TNT and spent the night in a box on a van!

Once placed in their enclosure, they sprang to life and literally ran around, and they started eating, and eating ,and eating.....in fact they only stop eating to bury themselves and sleep (a bit like the kids really).

They are very cute and each one has a little personality developing - well as much a personality as you can expect from a tortoise.

Our dog walks have now taken a different turn - we now go out armed with carrier bags and foraging equipment to ensure a ready supply of their favourite munchies....are we mental or what?

By the way, they love dandelions!

Gardens have gone mental

Picture: Small hedge planted at a nursery school in Reading to add colour and clean up a mud patch

With the brilliant weather over the last 6 weeks, it is inevitable that the rain must come - and didn't it!

In the winter, we expect bad weather and plan jobs where it doesn't matter if it rains, you just get on with it - but in the summer it's a nightmare. You cannot cut grass in heavy rain. You cannot re-point patios or treat decking.

I have had more rain - offs this last week than all over the winter. We have part finished jobs waiting for sunshine and grass is growing like wild fire - as I look out of my window, my grass will take the best part of the morning to sort.

Anyway, we have been very busy - we have actually been planting hedges and fencing as well as the normal grass cutting etc. Hedges also have gone a bit mental and we have done a few trims too - one particularly bad one over at Peasemore which was just a jungle - now tamed of course.

As to other jobs coming up, we are flat out on turfing and this rain has been good for that so I cant really complain - but I so hate wearing waterproofs when its so humid - its like having your own personal sauna all day.

Bit short on pictures as I keep forgetting to take the camera - note to self - put camera in the car!

Interestingly, at the job pictured above, we found a whole colony of Stag Beetles in a rotten tree trunk - I have not seen one since I was a kid - we left them well alone as it was a pleasure to see them. Funnily, my helper ran a mile as he thought things like that were in horror movies only!

A visit to Italy

Picture: Tony and Nat Boneventura - Picture by Karen Chapple

A very good friend of ours - Tony Bonventura and his fiancee Natalie - invited us to their wedding in Italy last weekend, so off we went.

I have never flown with a low cost airline before and I must admit it was a different experience. We fly from Stansted on Ryanair - or should I say RiotAir!

I am not a lover of flying, I hate crowds and I hate being treated like cattle, which is exactly how you feel at Standsted. A smile cost nothing, but the staff of RiotAir must be charged per smile as I have never seen such a grumpy lot in my life.

We had the flights booked for us by Sarah Godwin of Travel Councillors and she booked us one "priority ticket" - this concept allows you to board the plane first and grab a good seat - I had no idea that you didn't get a seat allocated.

As we were delay on the M25, and had stood in a queue for 40 mins getting checked in by the grumpy team, we just had to run to get to the gate. Then the scrum started - I got dragged through the priority lane, leaving poor Karen to cope on her own!

I got a good seat - then the trouble started - I reserved a seat for my wife, which apparently isn't allowed, so I had to fend off everybody who wanted to sit there - mostly very grumpy Italians who didn't speak English. A few seats in front of me, some guy was having a massive argument with the stewardess, whose customer care was from the Fawlty Towers training school, told the customer "If you don't like it just get off!" - simply amazing.

Poor Karen was the last person on on the plane and had literally been kicked about in the queue - I say the last person but somebody was refused entry to the plane as he squared up to the Steward.......there has to be a better way!

Anyway, the wedding was fantastic - even if a little long - a full Catholic wedding in Italian.....just under 2 hours, but at least I caught up on some sleep...!

The reception was just unbelievable - a 10 course meal - after 6 courses I wanted to throw up so I could eat more...just amazing.

The flight back was even more chaotic and disorganised - and on arrival at Stansted we had to queue once more to get into passport control - over 45 mins - apparently this is a new system to speed up your transit through customs - guys, let me tell you it isn't working!

Charity Clay Shoot

Picture: Rodney(foreground), Paul (on the stand)and Louis at my worse stand - note the trap in the distance....

Saturday 5th May - I was invited to a charity clay pigeon shooting day by my uncle. Now I don't do much clay shooting, however its all for charity so why not go and have a few bangs.

As always, when the family get together, it ends up in fierce competition. My Uncle Rodney (a VERY competent shot who takes on the high birds of Devon every year), my cousin Paul (also a very keen shot) and his son Louis (just started shooting but is following in the family footsteps) and I decided to have a few practice shots before going for the main round.

Well quite frankly, I was embarrassed at missing so many clays - much to the amusement of my family members of course! Luckily we all shot pretty badly, but I had one stand in particular which was a nightmare - I just clipped one out of ten - lots of mickey taking etc.....

Once we got down to the real thing, the old competitive spirit settled down (or maybe a few beers took the nerves away?) but I soon took the lead in our group - with Paul constantly trying to un-nerve me of course. One thing I have learnt over the years is not to buckle under pressure - in fact I respond to the challenge of pressure.

Needless to say, despite Paul changing the order of shooting cards on the last stand, which happened to be my worse stand on practice, I stepped upto the mark with one clay between us - and shot 7 out of 8. Paul by now had realised that I had won, lost the plot and missed most of the last stand.

Rodney had a bad day too - this is probably the worst I have ever seen him shoot, Louis also didn't do so good - he had a worse score.

After the shooting was done, it was down to some serious drinking - which I openly admit to being defeated by the Rosiers!

The charity auction was strategically timed to coincide with large volumes of alcohol consumption - this proved a very expensive afternoon for me as I bought a very nice case of wine and a days shooting with the family in Devon next January.....I don't know how I can explain this to the wife - or the bank manager for that matter!

I am not sure the final total raised, but it was well into the thousands - so a great day out and all for a good local cause - Thanks to everybody involved.

More fencing - this time in Reading

Eventually, after over 2 months waiting for my fence panel order to arrive, we managed to get this long suffering (and extremely patient!) customer her brand new fence.

I will not compromise on quality, and whilst I may have got hold of some inferior fencing materials, the customer agreed that this was a one off and needed to be the best quality.

As this was a replacement rather than a wind damaged fence, we didn't have to make temporary fencing to secure the property - so the time frames were less important.

All in all, this was 21 panels consisting of 3 lots of seven, the left and right hand rear fence, and the left hand front. As with all replacement fencing, this was a really tough job. I hate to follow on after somebody Else's work, especially when there line was all over the place and so we had to smash every single hole out to get the fence straight.

We did have some really long days, but managed to erect all the fences in two days - we were all totally knackered at the end of it but with so much work coming in, we had no choice but to work fast and hard to get it completed.

I would like to say a big thanks to the customer - she provided loads of tea and chocolate biscuits to keep us going - note to other customers - we love chocolate biscuits!

Unfortunately, in our haste to get going, I forgot the "before" pictures....so its just the completed ones this time.

Garden Clearances

The jobs we like the best are ones where you walk in and see a jungle - but we know what it will look like after we have been there a day or two.

This job was pretty amazing - the garden hasn't been touched for a few years and it was very overgrown. Actually, there were some really nice plants but they had just gone wild. Its unusual to fine some really nice fruit trees and bushes and a grape vine which produces loads of fruit in town gardens.

After discussions with the customer, we decided to "blank page" the whole garden and start from scratch - expect the fruit trees of course. These pictures show phase 1 of this project before and after clearance.

We are discussing options for phase 2 currently and will show the results once the job is done - enjoy the pictures!

Custom Fencing

We get involved in all aspects of garden maintenance - fencing being one of them.

This job was quoted way back in December. A taxi had hit an ice patch and skidded off the road and into this customers fence, taking down a large Leylandii (shame it wasn't more!). Luckily nobody was seriously injured. Well its taken this long to sort out the insurance claims, but eventually we got the go ahead.

We had to match an existing fence which has been there for some time, however the job is now completed and looks pretty damned good - Check out the picture

Our African Wedding

It all seems like a distant memory now since being back to work.

All I can say is that it was absolutely amazing!

We left England on the 29th March, despite South African Airways best efforts - they had double booked the plane and scattered everybody in individual seats, even though we had pre-allocated and had printed confirmation!!. Luckily, I am used to "The African way" and after a few strong words, we at least managed to get in small family groups which was fine.

I want to say a big thanks to Sarah Godwin of Travel Counsellors for sorting out the tickets and travel arrangements - she is brilliant and I will never try to do this on my own again as she got an overall better deal as well as sorting lots of other details out too.

Our good friends Neale and Sam James of Breathe Pictures came with us to record our special event, and so the photos started from Heathrow really right until we got home - this will be a pretty unique wedding album when its finished as they took hundreds of pictures throughout the week. My Cousin's wife, Cathy, brought along a bear called Barney, who has been photoed in all sorts of places - she wouldnt let me take it on the rifle range though......funnily, it was strip/internally searched at Heathrow, much to the ammusement of fellow passengers!

Anyway, as you know, we arranged this wedding "blind", relying on our friends Coen and Alta Vermaak to arrange the whole wedding - we only knew the colour schemes and thats about it really. We were just happy to accept whatever happened and enjoy the day. As it happened (also knowing Coen and Alta as we do) everything was just perfect.

The venue, Heia Safari Lodge in Muldersdrift was simply beautiful. Set in 600 Hectares, it has a huge dam packed with fish, loads of animals including Rhino & Giraffes as well as tons of plains game (Zebra, Wildebeest, Springbok, Impala etc) just roaming freely around the camp and tons of birds too. My uncle Rod has now become a "twitcher" and was often seen creeping about, binoculars in hand....

Freckles, the large male Giraffe, was in the track as we arrived - Karen Loves Giraffes and it seemed that even he had come to greet us! He was also at the gate when we departed too - do they know?

As expected, there was another "Bachelor Party" sorted at a friends plot just up the road so all the boys went off for a quick drink - yeh right!

It was a joint party - Korbus, who owned the plot by the river was also celebrating a birthday. The Brits, who had never experienced a proper African Jawl before, were a little apprehensive when we arrived at the rivers edge to just a table full of booze and a Braai, but they soon got into the spirit of it - literally - and were introduced to Richeleau and Coke - the staple drink for Afrikaners.

Korbus is a great chap - completely mental though. I owe him a debt of gratitude for saving both Karen and Courtney from being swept out to sea in a rip tide a few years ago. He is a brilliant spear fisherman and gets towed out to sea about a mile and simply free dives for fish amongst the sharks etc - clinically insane I think. He also has two Dalmatians as guard dogs, who he can get to attack on command. Well he wanted to show the Brits this and got the dogs so wound up, one attacked him and bit him badly on the side of his head! Neale didn't get any pictures of this as he basically ran for cover when the dog went mental (as did the rest of us too!), but then Korbus's father in law tried to disinfect the wound with Whiskey and Coen had to pin Korbus down.....what fun!

Anyway, the stories can go on, but I think I will save them for a rainy day.

Needless to say, we got married at 4:30pm - Karen looked stunning - its not often I am speachless - as did our two daughters, Kelly and Courtney who were our Bridesmaids. I also managed to get Coen in a suit - I am told its a first as well - and the day went off without a hitch.
The video cameraman did break the ice though. As Karen arrived next to me and the Minister was just starting his piece, the cameraman managed to knock one of the pedestals carrying flowers over with a boom mic. There was an almighty crash and I though Alta was going to strangle him - but we all laughed and then settled down to the ceremony.

Afterwards, we arranged for Zulu dancers to perform, whilst we went off for photos etc - I am told they were brilliant, we only saw about 10 minutes so I cant wait to see them on the video when we get it.

I only have one picture at the moment as Neale is busy working on them - so here it is!

Goodbye Leylandii!

I have had a great week.

You all know my hatred for Leylandii, so this week we had the pleasure of removing some more!

I was not due to do this job this week, but I still cannot get fence panels to do a large contract in Reading. Thankfully both customers fully understand, a big thanks to Jeanne in Reading for being so patient and understanding, and Mr Lewis for allowing us to bring his job forward.

The job at Boxford near Newbury has a few phases, repairing a large close board fence, which we did a few weeks ago, removal of this large Leylandii and replace with a post and rail fence to match up with the existing fence, remove yet more Leylandii and replant with Privet and a few other little jobs.

We really wanted to get all the trees down before the birds started nesting, so this was a really great time to do it. As it happens, we did have a few problems as with all jobs, however this was more mechanical failure of equipment rather than the work.

Firstly our chipper decided to give up the ghost, so I had to rely on good old Cliff from Snelsmore Ponies to allow me to dump the trees on his land to chip later. Then my trailer wheel bearing finally said enough as well - so its being repaired whilst we are away next week.

One really funny bit of the job was my helper. He had not used a post auger before and he thought that he would try to do a hole on his own, despite my warnings! Well you can imagine what happened....yes it was something off of "you've been framed" with him spinning round and round as the drill hit a root! I nearly peed myself!

Check out the before and after pics above - it was a pretty radical change.

We fly off to get married today, so will post a few pics when we get back

More piccies from the "Do me Ugly" tour

As time goes by, more pictures are coming through - but by no means all of them!

Here is a quick selection of recent ones - staring Hemant Amin, a Senior Partner from Charles Lucas Marshall Solicitors, who was the unfortunate victim of curiosity when he came over to find out what was going on.....what a great sport he was!

Also, Richard Pennington, the first victim of the Apron of Doom - I think he rather liked wearing it - is there something you need to tell us Rich?

There are a few more of yours truly.....!! Interestingly, I have no pictures of Neale James or Adam Hillier, the organisers of this ... is there any out there?

We are jetting off on Thursday night, to be greeted by a further Stag/Hen do over in South Africa arranged by some rather loud Afrikaner friends which will almost certainly be a rather heavy session - I had better say goodbye to my eye brows now!

As yet, I have seen no pictures from Karen's Hen Party, but by all accounts it was pretty good, they went to Jongelers at the Corn Exchange and then off for a bop after.

More pictures to follow if they are interesting/funny etc

Leylandii Hedges - Another one bites the dust!

I love Leylandii Hedges, especially as they disappear into the chipper!

This week I had a nice job for a fellow BNI Networker. Ann Merrick of Infineo wanted her Leylandii hedge removed and replaced.

I first met Ann through Karen of The Best of Newbury. Ann's company Infineo provide Tech support to small and medium businesses, including remote support and backup. This has helped us on many occasions, including a total machine failure which would have meant disaster if Infineo had not been doing our daily remote backup. They charge a small monthly fee - its worth it not to have the hassle of dealing with PC's and backups.

This was the Monday after my stag do and I was not feeling particularly great still. We decided to get to site very early and crack on. Then disaster struck. My very reliable Landrover decided today was the day to spring a diesel leak - not just a drip or two but a major split in the pipe, spraying diesel everywhere.

I called a mate to come and take a look to see if it could be fixed at roadside - not a chance! It was still drive able, so I drove to Lancaster Landrover in Thatcham. I have been using these guys for about 15 years and know most of them, but even they couldn't sort this one out quickly - the tank needed to come out and parts to be ordered.

This really screwed me up. You cannot hire anything with a towbar. So I got a lift home to pick up my shooting truck, a beat up old Suzuki, just to recover my helper and tools. It was then my neighbour Cliff Pursey of Snelsmore Shetland Ponies came to my rescue. He has an old Ford Sierra with a towbar which he lent to me - what a Diamond Geezer!

Having lost half a day, we really had to move to get the trees down, and chipped to keep on schedule. My Landrover was fixed by lunch on the Tuesday, so we worked until 6:30 to get the stumps out, which were a bit stubborn to say the least! Its not the first time we have worked in the dark - I must buy some floodlights as its becoming a regular happening!

We have re-planted a new Leylandii hedge which we will hopefully keep under control. One thing I forgot to do is the "before and after" pictures of this job - its a shame because the change was so radical - you cant remember everything especially when suffering with hangover and car failure!

I survived the "Do Me Ugly" Tour!

As predicted, they "Did me Ugly".

I am still having flashbacks about my Stag Do. People are still showing me pictures - who ever thought of putting a camera in a mobile phone should be flogged!

We all met at Newbury Rugby Club at about 12:30. On arrival, the lady on reception gave me a sympathetic "you poor thing" look. I entered the room to a loud cheer. Adam and Neale had prepared the room for what was to come, decorating the table and walls with pictures etc announcing the "Do me Ugly Tour", they even did a Tee Shirt for me - how kind!!

The Tour rules were very simple:

1. You can only drink left handed
   
2. You cannot point
   
3. You cannot say drink

Sounds easy eh? Yeh right! Everytime you broke one of the rules, you got a yellow card, if you got 2 yellows, you got a red card and had to pick a forfeit from the bag. These ranged from drink a shot, down in one, streak across the pitch at half time and wear the dreaded "Apron of Doom".

As we started, everybody was so keen to stitch each other up that the most common rule default was somebody shouting to the ref and pointing "He just said drink", which obviously backfired and meant you had a red card and forfeit - how silly!

Richard Pennington was first to fall victim of the "Apron of Doom". This was basically a woman shaped apron etc - I say no more. He had to continue to wear this until somebody else picked that forfeit and he seemed to wear it an awful long time.

One very funny part of the day was when a partner from Charles Lucas Marshall came over to find out what was going on. The poor soul got a red card almost immediately and picked the Apron of Doom as a forfeit! We did have some fun with him! I think he learnt his lesson.

Ivan, the rat man, really wound me up about a dwarf stripper that had been arranged - In my highly suggestible state, I actually believed him - just you wait mate, this is not forgotten!

One change to the rules was that my Dad was allowed to pass his forfeits to me or my brother, so thanks Dad for stitching me up a few times.

I discovered later that there was a plan to get me to kick a few goals at half time to add to my humiliation, but luckily the Club didn't let this happen.

As it happened, I didn't see any of the rugby, nor did many of the others. The bar staff know how to pour a Springbokkie now as they seemed to spend most of the afternoon doing it. A big thanks to David Smith and the bar staff who took everything in great spirit. Thinking about it now, going to a Rugby Club for a stag do is a bit suicidal really - lesson learnt from me.

Anyway, we all staggered off to the Nags Head - I was very thankful of the long walk and fresh air (and to Richard Bennett for propping me up on the walk down). This part of the evening is the most blurred, but I do remember buying the whole pub a drink which cost a small fortune - I must have been doomed as normally getting a drink out of me is difficult to say the least.

Why is it you want to eat an Indian when drunk? Anyway we crossed over to the Indigo Bay - I cant remember much about this only that Bill my future Brother in Law fell asleep in the loo for 1/2 hour until being finally evicted. He was meant to be looking after me but was in a bad way. Apparently he did this a the rugby club too so I was told after. Also, Adam went very pale, stood up and said he needed to go home and walked out. Adam had a "down in one" forfeit on a pint of cider which nailed him. Neale seemed to be the most sober, the Babycham obviously had worn off by now!

The rest of the evening is a bit unclear - we did go to Gordons but I ended up home thanks to my Cousin Paul's wife Cathy. Bill passed out, I talked rubbish to the misses for an hour non-stop then passed out too.

Sunday Morning was painful, in fact Sunday was painful.

I cant wait to get to South Africa for my African Stag do......the day before our wedding - oh God!

BIG Thanks to Adam & Neale for sorting the event, all those that made it, the Rugby Club, The Indigo Bay and The Nags Head. Also sincere apologies to all persons offended and abused during the event.

I am on a quest to find any photos of this event - please email them to me on info@garden4you.co.uk

Stag do Warning

Picture: The Evils of drink... a heavy session in South Africa - its not me either!

As some of you will know, I am shortly to marry my long term partner Karen - "There's still time love" as a few friends keep saying to her!

I wasn't keen on really having a Stag Party, especially when you know the sort of people I do.

Despite my protests, it's happening this weekend. My mate Neale James of Breathe Pictures and Radio 107 on Sunday Mornings, and Adam Hillier of Verbatim Calls Centres are arranging this between them.

This task historically falls to the Best Man however my Best Man is my very good friend and hunting companion Coen Vermaak of South Africa, where we are actually getting married. I am sure when we all arrive in SA, Coen will have arranged a "Lekker Jawl" for me, the night before the ceremony!!

Anyway, I am not really looking forward to my Stag Do. I have premonitions of what will occur, and who will "Do me Ugly" as the saying goes. Ivan the rat man, an extreme party animal, and I have a nasty habit of getting totally bladdered and becoming a comedy double act, most to the disgust and annoyance of anybody in earshot.

Neale on the other hand is a bit of a girl and after 2 glasses of Babycham and a Bailey's wants to go home, after headbutting the nearest bird-bath!

Adam is Mr Gadget and when I want the most bizarre tool of any description, Adam has one, or even two. Again, Adam and I have had quite a few good sessions in the past, one recently where we watched the rugby at his house, drank the place dry of cider and had loads of a South African shot called Springbokies, after which he promptly passed out and missed the evening he had planned with his ever suffering wife Emma.

Also in the group is Ashley, Brad, Richard and Jamie of Pervasive Networks, all very bad news - remember Amsterdam boys?, Richard Pennington of Calixus - our fall guy for the night, my brother Malcolm, my future brother in law Bill who is a policeman and mad Scot, and my Dad - yes My Dad!

Neale has already commented on me bringing Dad on his blog, but my Dad is a major party animal too, but probably wont make the evening event (he needs his Horlicks and an early night as does my brother!)

Anyway, I apologise now to Newbury Rugby Club, the Indigo Bay and the Nags Head and any other pub we get thrown out of in advance, as well as any taxi driver daft enough to take us home afterwards...I am sure there will be some pictures next week!

Never thought I would be a "Page 3" Model....

Well what a surprise! Me, a Page 3 Model - read on....

My wife to be (the ever suffering Karen from The Best of Newbury) and I were very kindly invited to the West Berkshire Business Clubs annual Business of the Year Awards dinner by one of the finalists, Nigel Morgan of Morgan PR (my PR Guru as previously described).

Also on our table was Roger Hick of RhD Design and his wife Pam. Roger and Pam are one of my long standing customers who regularly call me to carry out work on their garden. Roger is also in my BNI Chapter too. As it happens, as the evening went on, it came to light that we were at the same school at the same time - we even knew loads of the same people and spent a fair bit of time recounting the weird teachers and various incidents at school that we both knew about!

The event had 3 finalists;

Nigel Morgan of Morgan PR
Robin Winnet of WinIT
Melvyn Byles of Netstationers

The Award was one by Robin Winnet, but I am sure it was a tough choice with 3 really great finalists.

As to the rest of the evening, there was a charity auction, which ended up costing me dearly - never take your misses to an auction...! We ended up buying a day out with Nigel Morgan!!??

All jokes to the side, this will be a really great day at Meridian TV and a chance to see behind the scenes and meet more PR and media people so will really help our businesses moving forward.

Anyway, back to the original story. A few weeks later, I had a few funny phone calls from various people joking about our picture on page 3. It didn't make much sense to me when out on site, but when I got home, the Out and About Magazine was on my desk, opened at page 3.

I must say I look rather dashing (clever photography hid my second chin as commented by my cousin Paul the Plasterer) and the misses looked gorgeous as normal - I will try and get the picture to add to this posting.